I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
COCAINE IS GR8
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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