My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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