I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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