If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
