dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
