What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
