it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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