i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
