His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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