eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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