So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
