So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
You were trust falling into bushes
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
