He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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