i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
