I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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