Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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