not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
