Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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