I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
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