I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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