I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
