I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
