i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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