it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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