barbara walters just said penis...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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