The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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