i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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