I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
