The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
