Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
