apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize