My brain says no but my pants say off.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
