I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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