there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
