I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Come share oat with me in your robe
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
