Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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