remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
