if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
