i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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