You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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