I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
