dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
