he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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