all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
