I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
