We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize