I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
