My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
