I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
