just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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