Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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