is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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