So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
