So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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