Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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