In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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