i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
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Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I forget how to act sober
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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