Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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