Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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