this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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