omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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