I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
