No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You can't motorboat a personality
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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