I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
