His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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