I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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