Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
