feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
