you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
