I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
So many bounce houses so little time
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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