just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
