Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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