8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
