Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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