i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
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I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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