Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
