Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
