Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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