Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
