when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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