the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
